Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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