If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
