I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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