God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
