The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
