No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
