There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
