I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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