John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
