New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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