allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
