I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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