My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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