I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
