I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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