is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
