Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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