I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
