trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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