1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
