I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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