i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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