He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
