How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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