"it" just moved
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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