Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
