imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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