You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
