I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize