Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
