so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
