Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.