I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.