she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time