New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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