I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.