I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
