I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel