Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (608) Bad night (2909)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon... http://tfl.nu/ozcp
  Replies (7) Good night (981) Bad night (5032)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y
  Replies (22) Good night (1492) Bad night (3121)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry. http://tfl.nu/h3dm
  Replies (20) Good night (2577) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9967) Bad night (1773)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins http://tfl.nu/byok
  Replies (16) Good night (3815) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.

  (650): View more from California

  .......................................

  (415): View more from California

  My thoughts exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic. (650): ....................................... (415): My thoughts exactly. http://tfl.nu/05rl
  Replies (6) Good night (1007) Bad night (2997)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with. http://tfl.nu/j96s
  Replies (11) Good night (1353) Bad night (3057)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick http://tfl.nu/s4cq
  Replies (18) Good night (9459) Bad night (1577)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k
  Replies (14) Good night (3986) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out? http://tfl.nu/sosx
  Replies (6) Good night (1490) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made. http://tfl.nu/7tve
  Replies (5) Good night (1664) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious" http://tfl.nu/oxyq
  Replies (7) Good night (1392) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with http://tfl.nu/vbdb
  Replies (5) Good night (2059) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do?? http://tfl.nu/z8vo
  Replies (2) Good night (293) Bad night (535)

Randomize