it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.