you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
