Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
