Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

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  (479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg
  Replies (35) Good night (5803) Bad night (889)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....

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  (513): CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now.... http://tfl.nu/m585
  Replies (36) Good night (985) Bad night (2920)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

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  (304): I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up. http://tfl.nu/ory7
  Replies (46) Good night (4164) Bad night (1705)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.

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  (814): I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester. http://tfl.nu/p4o8
  Replies (29) Good night (4858) Bad night (799)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.

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  (630): dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead. http://tfl.nu/dy9t
  Replies (23) Good night (4730) Bad night (1518)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (86) Good night (3385) Bad night (15545)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.

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  (262): Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour. http://tfl.nu/rkpz
  Replies (5) Good night (2632) Bad night (1161)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?

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  (727): Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail? http://tfl.nu/rsvd
  Replies (3) Good night (2126) Bad night (995)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.

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  (479): Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students. http://tfl.nu/ij14
  Replies (11) Good night (1038) Bad night (3266)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.

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  (937): we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order. http://tfl.nu/a6f0
  Replies (8) Good night (1638) Bad night (560)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.

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  (716): Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum. http://tfl.nu/mwlv
  Replies (3) Good night (1365) Bad night (642)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.

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  (602): Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials. http://tfl.nu/99ms
  Replies (4) Good night (421) Bad night (874)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?

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  (208): I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right? http://tfl.nu/t0uj
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (189)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.

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  (330): There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot. http://tfl.nu/lbi3
  Replies (2) Good night (312) Bad night (163)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow

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  (516): Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow http://tfl.nu/fcn3
  Replies (0) Good night (285) Bad night (168)

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