what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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