thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's always time for handjobs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
