im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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