So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
