what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
