'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
