but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
