If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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