well I can't set my house on fire every night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
