Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
