tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
