We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
