mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
