I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
