I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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