Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize