Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
