Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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