Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
