Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
