I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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