i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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