My hand turned me down
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
