also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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