I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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