I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
