fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
