just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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