I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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