Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
