And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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