He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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