I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
