Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
