uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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