I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize