Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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