Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
