He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
